I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
