Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
