just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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