You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
