you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
