There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
