I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
