I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
