mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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