I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
what the fuck happened to the tacos
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
