Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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