Jerry, you need to find god
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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