i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
