I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
