girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
