you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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