she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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