im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
