Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
