The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
