So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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