Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
