I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
