Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
