You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
