I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
