Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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