He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
