the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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