it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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