Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
