Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize