I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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