Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
