shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
