I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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