Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
