Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
