OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
