The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
