I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
