One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
