I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
