making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
