What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
