My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
