You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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