What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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