His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
