Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
