omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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