i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
