Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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