That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
