so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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