After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
