she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
