wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
