he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
