I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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