But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
