there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize